More often than not does my ego like to talk this negative self talk. Saying things inside my head making me feel like I’m not worthy of anything good in life. When I know nothing of that nature is even true and it’s just my ego trying to knock me down. My head would get so lost in my thoughts and it would influence the feelings in my heart and gut.
Being a woman and deeply connected to my emotions, sometimes it can get the better of me. Yes it’s true some people will call me over dramatic or super sensitive. I don’t know why that’s such a bad thing. Why should I get shunned or be judged because of how I am affected emotionally? If something makes me mad, sad, happy or whatever emotion is triggered why should I feel guilty about wanting to express who I am? Why should I push my feelings down and not talk about it?
That’s the problem with society is that people are looked down upon if you appear weak or vulnerable. I’ll admit I have been known to not talk about certain things to certain people. Honestly, I was scared to what they would think of me. It’s takes a certain kind of trust for me to truly open up to someone and express how I really feel. Only because I’ve been hurt in the past and have learned to be very guarded about what I share and with whom. I’ve learned most people don’t really listen. Like really whole heartedly listen. Half of the time everyone wants to talk about themselves and their problems. Given the nature of my job and being a Registered Massage Therapist, I have to listen to people all the time and all day long. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and being able to help people. I know in my heart that I’ve lived a successful life because I helped people live their life just a little better.
The problem with being a healer or a therapist of some sort, all of the damaged people are drawn to me. I don’t ask for it. But it always seems to happen. I’m like a magnet to all these kinds of people. Whether it’s a relationship with men, friends and sometimes family they all affect me the same. People who always have so much drama in their life always find their way to me. As I get older I realize I don’t have the energy for negative people who are nothing more than energy vampires. I’m so done with friends who dump all their problems onto me and zap me of my positive well-being. I don’t mind helping friends and being supportive in their life but when someone is constantly negative and complains about everything in life, I’d rather not be friends anymore. It’s really hard being around those type of people. It’s physically drains me and emotionally hurts my heart.
I maintain regular treatments that aid my body and mind inside and out. I do all the body treatments like massage, acupuncture, chiropractic care, physiotherapy, cupping, exercising, yoga and stretching. Not only do I keep the outside of my body functional I keep my insides in optimal condition. I like to do the occasional detox or cleanse regimen just so I can clean out my guts. There is a lot of emotions that are stored in the guts. Recently I discovered colonics and how beneficial it is to have my insides functioning in tip top fashion. It’s important for the body to function as a whole working unit. Not just certain parts working but the whole thing in its entirety.
I believe when my body functions as well oiled machine then the mind needs to correlate the same wellness. In order for my head to match my body, I had to stop with all he negative self talk. I needed my mind to reflect the same feelings. It wasn’t until I got treated by one of my spiritual teachers who told me that there was so much negative self talk in my gut. So now whatever I had been thinking was taking over my body. I couldn’t let all this negativity take over my body. I refused and put my foot down. “No f**king way would I let my negative self talk get the better of me.” Being that said I had to change my way of thinking. So then my outcome of life would change for the better and my well-being.
I decided for 21 days I would meditate for 15-20 mins a day followed by an “I am” statement to reiterate that I am good enough. It was a good reminder that I didn’t need to take on others people’s problems. I didn’t need to be friends with people who brought me down. I would only focus on people who were aligned with me in my life. I learned it was okay to say “NO” or choose not to help certain people. It’s not my job to heal everyone. Not everyone can be helped and it’s not always my decision to give help. Sometimes that person needs to learn to take care of themselves and I have to be okay with that way of thinking.
When I started the 21 day positive affirmation meditation journey I realized the mediation part was easy to me. I’d usually do the mediation before bed so I’d have nice thoughts or sweet dreams. It was the “I am” statements that were a little more difficult. I felt dumb and couldn’t think of what I would say nice about myself. When I would mediate, whatever word or feeling that came to me during my mediation would be my “I am” statement mantra for the day. I would read those statements everyday out loud. Whenever I’d feel the negative ego trying to creep in then I’d repeat the “I am” statement in my head until the negative thought would surpass. At the end of the 21 one days I looked over the words I used to describe myself and I smiled. I couldn’t have picked better positive words for myself even if I tried harder. This is who I am and I am me!
Here’s my list of 21 day positive affirmations. Enjoy!
I am…
- Loved
- Strong
- Beautiful
- Worthy
- Happy
- Confident
- Admired
- Proud
- Radiant
- Lucky
- Passionate
- Powerful
- Grateful
- Blessed
- Enough
- Fearless
- Wise
- Valuable
- Unforgettable
- Extraordinary
- Authentic
*Images do not belong to me. All images taken from other social media internet sources.*
Memoirs of an Emotional Fish 