Youniversal

Sometimes in life when you feel like there is way too much negativity you have to step back. You realise that the only person you should really worry about is yourself. You have to remove oneself from a situation in order to make yourself grow as a person. About three years ago I had a falling out with a friend. Not just a friend a best friend. The reasons to this day are not important except it was stupid and unnecessary. We just stopped talking and it gutted me. It really hurt my soul. I was sad and heart broken but I held my head high and acted like I didn’t care. Even though that couldn’t be more farther from the truth. I needed to do something that would make me feel normal again. I needed to get away from it all. I wanted to ultimately be happy again. I wanted my heart to be full of love and joy, not pain and anguish. So I thought about going on a yoga and meditation retreat. I have always wanted to do a retreat, as it was high up on my bucket list. Why not now? This was probably the most perfect time for me to heal from the inside and out. I was new to meditation, I probably had only been practising for about one year at that time. My practice of yoga was mediocre but I knew I could manage. So I got on the computer and did some research. Where would I go? When would I go? How much was it going to cost me? How long would I go for? Is this really going to help me? I had so many questions and I didn’t know where to start.

It’s really funny how the Universe works. My roomate of the time Ashley was on Facebook and had literally just saw a posting about a yoga and meditation retreat in Mexico. She told me about the woman who was leading, it was someone she knew very well and her family in Winnipeg. So she sent me the link. So my mom and I spoke with Niki over Skype. My mom wanted to make sure I would be safe and had lots of questions. Within minutes of speaking with Niki I knew she was an incredible human being. I had to make this trip happen! I would be turning 35 in March 2014 and wanted to do something outrageous and memorable. The time was now! So I booked it for February 2014 an early birthday present to myself. I was on Cloud 9 and was so excited I couldn’t wait for the next two months to fly past. The very next day as I was driving to work. I was stopped at the light, just smiling from ear to ear thinking about my upcoming retreat. Two cars were in front of me stopped at a red light. Right in front of me swoops down an eagle flies right in front of my car and looks right at me. I stared back and was thinking “Wow that’s so crazy!” that eagle totally just stared me down. The eagle flew across the street and looked back at me again for a second time. Now I was starting to get excited. Why was this eagle staring me down? Finally once the magnificent bird was fully across the road he looked back at me for a third time. Me thinking “Holy crap!” So I got to work and had to google the symbolism of eagles. I always listen to messages from the universe especially from nature. The first thing I read about the symbolism of eagles was “the symbol of freedom with powerful symbolic meaning of timing, victory and spiritual quest…helping you to discover your personal power and route to the destiny of you choosing.” My jaw dropped. If that wasn’t a perfect description of what I was feeling, I don’t know what was. I sent Niki a message and told her about the eagle. When Niki wrote back I couldn’t believe what I was reading. She wrote back “Wow Fiona you are on the right track. This will be a wonderful journey for yourself. My spirit name is Strong Heart Eagle Woman!” Like seriously “WHAT THE EFF” is this really happening to me? Is this all a wonderful dream that I cannot wake up from?

Fast forward to the retreat in Mexico. From the very moment I got off the plane to and the whole experience of the retreat I was fully satisfied. It exceeded my expectations and some. I would definitely recommend others to attend Niki’s retreat. It was beyond life changing and heart opening. The facilities are a real life paradise with all these mineral waters and crystal healing pools. The sunsets on top of the temples were so magnificent and breathtakingly incredible. I always go back in my mind as my happy place. My highlight of the retreat was on the very last day. It is a memory I will hold close to my heart forever. I went into the class kind of upset and sad knowing it was the last day. I didn’t want to go home. I got into the studio and felt very heavy and frustrated. Niki instructed us through an amazing yoga routine. She told us to surrender to whatever we were feeling and to “let go”. I remember looking out into the horizon and looking at the beautiful landscape thinking “Wow I can’t believe I’m here”, then I would get sad because I knew this was our last day. My mind started to drift and I was thinking about my best friend…the one I had a falling out with. I started to get really sad and my heart started to hurt. Niki must have sensed it because she said “Whatever you are feeling let it go”. I tried to fight it but the energy of the room the and power of Niki’s instructions made want to me listen. The next thing I knew I was doing yoga poses I wouldn’t normally do. I could never get into full camel laying flat onto the floor. Niki came over to me and tapped me on my sternum. When she tapped my sternum I went all the way down to the floor. Whoa…what is happening! I started to feel buzzing all over my body. It felt like an explosion was happening in heart. It was probably the most incredible yoga class I have ever experienced. I remember laying in Shavasana and my entire body was vibrating. I was breathing so hard, my eyes were rolling back in my head and it felt like there was tingling sensations running down extremities. I felt like I was high or I was about to have an orgasm. Niki had to massage my face because I was uncontrollably shaking. What the hell was happening to me? Was I going to die? I don’t know what was happening to me but I liked it. Finally when we were in prayer pose and said “Namaste” I saw my best friend’s face in my head. I started to ball. It wasn’t tears of sadness but it was tears of happiness. It was like my heart was exploding and saying “Everything will be okay. You will be okay.” The feeling I felt after that experience changed my life. I’ve learned how important it is to “let go” and to “forgive and forget”.

When I got back to Toronto I was a changed person. But how could I make other people feel this way. I wanted everyone else to feel as good as I was feeling. How could I give thanks to the Universe? The best way I could think of was by becoming the Universe. Immediately I thought of who I would want to paint me and who I’d feel comfortable enough to photograph me pretty much naked. My vision was to be a walking Universal cosmic body of space. Who better to paint me than the wonderful Natasha. There’s something so therapeutic by getting your entire body painted. The feel of the brush stroking against my skin and the coolness of the paint was sensual and relaxing at the same time. It took about 3 hours to get my entire body painted. Natasha brought my vision to life but now it was time to capture my vision. I chose Ashlea my friend and previous roller derby teammate to do the photographs. I have worked with her numerous times and I really love her work. I love how passionate and dedicated she is to her work. She must have taken over 300 photos with 4 different backgrounds and settings in a 3 hour time setting. I have chosen only 4 of my favourites for you to enjoy here. By the end of the day I was exhausted. A day in the life of a model was definitely not for me. I am so grateful to know such talented women who helped me execute my Universe vision.

As time had passed and the years went by. I still had not talked to my best friend. Even though I was in a better space of heart and mind. Something was missing. I thought to myself that if I should die tomorrow and I didn’t try to salvage my relationship with my best friend I would not be happy. I decided to reach out and send her Christmas card. I didn’t expect anything to come out of it but it was something I had to do. Sometimes all you need is a break from someone. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them any less, it just means you need time to work on yourself. I had been working on myself and I was ready to be friends again. It wasn’t until a few months after I heard from her. It was on my birthday. So March 2016 of this year. Over the past few months we have reconnected and rebuilt our friendship. I wouldn’t say we are best friends again but I would definitively say we have strengthened our bond as friends. I missed her and I am happy to have her back in my life.

Now this brings me up to present date…I was painted in 2014 and never thought to get the Universe photos printed until recently. I never had any reason to get my Universe photo printed on canvas. I knew it looked good on photos. Some friends have seen the photos. But my whole purpose of getting painted like the Universe was so I could give thanks to the Universe and for everyone to see it. So here I am…The Universe for all of you to see. I want to Thank everyone who helped making my vision come to life. Without you this would have never happened. Thank You to Niki for opening my heart and helping me let go of what no longer served me. Thank You to Natasha and Ashlea for being amazingly talented women who are incredible at what they do. Thank You to John for bringing my vision to life. Now I can always look at this canvas and be reminded to always to be grateful. Thanks Universe 🙂