The Eyes are the Window to the Soul

Betcha didn’t know that I absolutely hate selfies and getting my picture taken for that matter. You’d never believe it with the amount of photos I post on social media. But sometimes the portrait mode feature and perfect lightening make me forget my dislike.

I have a rare eye condition called Keratoconus. Basically the shape of my one eye is ever changing into an extreme form of astigmatism. I hate selfies because my one eye is noticeably smaller and squinted. Because of this eye condition I am unable to get laser eye surgery to fix it. Wearing glasses will not improve my condition. In fact I’m at the highest prescription possible to even have glasses. I have to get a custom hard contact lens made for my eye. It’s teeny tiny and doesn’t always stay in place. Not only is the contact lens expensive, it’s not easy to put on my eye.

I have lost my specialized contact lens four times and have had to pay to get a new one made. It takes about 2 weeks to get a new one because of the level of my prescription. There’s a lot of things I cannot do with ease knowing I might lose my lens. But it’s doesn’t stop me from doing what I enjoy to do.

I fought in my debut boxing match this year and had to fight without my specialized lens. I learned very early into training that I could not spar with the lens because it would just pop out. If someone should step on my lens it would break. Because it was not like regular soft lens it would be like stepping on glass. My custom lens would break in half or worse smash into a million pieces. So that didn’t stop me from fighting. I fought blind. If I could see a boxing glove coming to face then I could surely get my face out of the way. Or best case scenario don’t get hit in the face and be first to knock my opponent out.

So I may hate getting my photo taken or to even take selfies but I have learned to accept my face. I will never have a perfect face. My beauty goes beyond superficial physical appearances because I know I am beautiful. Not because of beauty but because I’m a good person on the inside.

I may not have 20/20 vision but at least I can see with both eyes. I believe since my sense of sight is altered, my other senses have been heightened. Maybe not my hearing because all the years of dancing in front of the speakers at dancing parties. But that’s a whole different story. My sense of touch, taste, smell are all on high alert sensitive.

So if you see me staring and not saying a word. Please understand that I am probably trying to remember as much detail as possible before my vision gets worse. There’s much worse things in the world to be stressed out about and having lopsided eyes isn’t one of them. I’m grateful every morning that I can still see and do all the things I enjoy in life. Because I know one day I will not have that luxury. Don’t take for granted for the things that you have in your life. It’s always better to be grateful for everything that you have everyday.

Now you see me.