Author: msfizzypop

I believe it’s Day 21 of what we now call “the new normal” way of life. No cars on the roads and hardly any people on the street. Most businesses have temporarily closed. Some businesses have boarded up their entrances and windows, to restrict any access from the public. More people are out of jobs. Everywhere people are wearing masks and required to stand 6 feet apart. People have to line up and wait to get inside grocery stores or even the LCBO.

Social media live videos are blowing up everyday on my feeds. FaceTime and video group chats have become a necessity. I absolutely love when friends text me just to “check in” or when friends call me just to hear my voice. TikTok has become an outlet for laughter and elevating moods. Making home cooked meals everyday replaces ordering takeout or delivery food. Going outside for walks, hikes or running around the block replaces cardio at the gym. Double duty means parents working from home and home schooling their children. Spring cleaning has reached new levels with rearranging, organizing, deep cleaning, decluttering, downsizing and making new changes.

I can’t say it’s been nothing but interesting to say the least. I have no idea what day it is or what I am suppose to be doing next. Everyday seems like all blurs into one really long day. But my daily exercise and meditation having been essential life savers. Taking afternoon naps has never been so sweet. I’m trying to be more productive with my time. I’m learning something new, finishing old projects and being more creative. Being that said I’m learning how to play the banjo from lessons on YouTube. I’ve been virtually attending webinars on courses relating to metaphysics, aromatherapy, breath work, business and massage therapy courses. I’m going to try and finish all the books I started reading over the years, that I never had the chance to finish before. Lastly, I’m going to write more blogs on a regular basis. All these are wonderful outlets to keep me busy and my brain stimulated.

I have been reflecting on how this whole “reset” has affected my life. It has been a real eye opener, for what is really important to survive and what has been a luxury. I am still not working and not sure when I’ll be back in service. I have no income right now and no incoming coming in. You’d think I’d be really upset or even frustrated, but I’m not. I’ve learned it doesn’t make much sense to get angry over the things I cannot control.

I have faith that everything will be okay. Not just financially but spiritually for my peace of mind. I believe that someone is watching over me and guiding my life. I’m not worry about my future because I know when this is over, I’ll be right back to be doing what I love. I’m taking in this “pause” in my so called life. I can now, sit back and enjoy what is most important to me. My life. My health. My family.

Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring and what is going to happen. All I know, is that we should just “stay home” and stay healthy. I know I am not alone to be craving human connection. I miss heart to heart hugs and the feeling of a warm embrace. I accept days where I don’t feel like doing anything and not feel guilty about it. I allow myself to cry and go through any emotion that I am feeling or that comes up. It’s okay to not be okay. I make sure to take daily dance breaks and laugh often to help elevate my mood. One day at a time. I will survive. Everyday is a new day and all I can do is be grateful to have lived another day.

Well it’s been 12 days since I’ve been on self isolation and social distancing from the world outside. From recent news, I will not be working for an extended amount of time due to COVID19 aka corona virus. Since I predominantly work hands on doing massage therapy it was recommended by the CMTO to suspend all non essential services. I don’t exactly know what you’d classify as “essential” but to me massage is not essential. Yes massage helps to promote one’s well being and decreases stress. But I decided in the best interests of my patients and for the safety of myself, that it was best if I wasn’t touching anyone for the time being.

So here I am day 12 in isolation. At first I was a bit sad, frustrated, angry and confused. But throughout the weeks I have kept up with daily meditation, yoga and exercise. I have been writing in a journal daily to help process my thoughts. I’m not sure if it has totally hit me yet or I’m still in denial. For the most part I’m actually quite content with the peace and quiet. Of course I’m concerned about what’s going to happen with my finances and life in general. The world as we know it has changed. There’s going to be a lot of changes with the government, healthcare and society as a whole.

Right now I’m comfortable in my home. I have enough food, toilet paper and plenty of activities do keep me occupied. So far I’ve had movie theme nights. I’ve got a vast collection of DVDs for the watching. I’ve been doing a daily 21 yoga and meditation challenge. I find doing the both challenges has kept me quite sane. I’m not freaking or stressed out by any means. I’m learning to go within for my meditations. I completed a colouring meditation which was quite soothing and calming for the mind. I take daily dance breaks just to sweat it out. Also, letting go of what I cannot control has helped me transition throughout this time off work. I’ve been reading more books. I’m trying to avoid reading too many things about COVID19 and just deleting all messages from group chats. It gets to be a bit overwhelming and everyone has their 2 cents to share about the situation.

During this time I am aware of the people who are insensitive to others. People who aren’t social distancing themselves and still living their lives as if they are super immune humans. There’s been a lot of cancellations to events, gyms, services, appointments, holidays, festivals, dates and temporary closures to actual locations. Some people have the “work from home” option while some of us don’t have that luxury. One thing after another was being shut down. I’d open my emails everyday with another email announcing their temporary closure. My heart hurt.

On top of all these dominos falling my father was emitted to the hospital. Of course I had to go home to see him. But with restrictions within the hospital I wasn’t even allowed to go in to actually see him. Do you know hard it is to see a parent in the hospital and you can’t even hug them? It was not easy. On the positive side of news he was released within hours of me being there. I’d like to think I have a super power that people feel better when I’m around. My presence brings joy and happiness in the form of love energy.

I have no idea what will happen. I am uncertain about my future. But I am hopeful and feel positive that everything will be okay. I’m being mindful of people who are going through loss of jobs, not being able to be with family, nor having enough food or supplies. I am remembering to be more kind to others because I don’t know what someone else is going through. Exercise and meditation has been my saving grace. I believe everything will be okay in the end, even better than okay. I think with this time of solitude and isolation, I will be stronger than ever. Not just me but the world as I see it. People will heal and be reborn into a new way of life. Mother Earth will heal. I believe in humanity and the world working in unity. Together we will rise. Together we will become one. I believe the future will be bright and everything is going to be alright.

Here I stand looking into my tired brown eyes,
It doesn’t really come to me as any surprise,
All these new wrinkles, freckles and sun damaged spots,
I even feel more muscle soreness and tension knots.

Here I stand looking back on all the years,
From broken hearts and wasted tears,
Remembering happy moments of all the goals I achieved,
From learning, growing, and to failures before I would succeed.

Here I stand looking at every line and crinkle on my face,
Each one tells a story of past-time place,
From all the experienced whirlwind of emotions,
To all my World travels across all the Oceans.

Here I stand to admire this physical body of mine,
From curves, dimples, scars, wrinkles and every fine line,
There’s more to me than what your eyes can see,
I wear my heart not only on my sleeve but all over me.

Here’s to a life of more adventures and magic to unfold,
I’m learning to honour myself growing majestically old,
Feeling beautiful is more than what’s on the skin,
It’s important to be kind to yourself through thick and thin.

Wild Hearted & Forever Young
Fiona xo

I’ll admit that I can be a bit too hard on myself at times. Most of the time I am always thinking on the positive side of things. Keeping in mind that your thoughts can become things. I think it’s better to always have a positive mindset in order to have a positive life.

But I AM a human being and full of ego and emotions. As much as I try to not live an ego based life, it is something I cannot avoid. This is the type of world we live in where wondering if I’ll ever be good enough, pretty enough, smart enough and worthy of the good things in life. Even though in my heart I know I am all of those things and more. Sometimes I cannot help it and I nitpick about every little detail about myself. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I even allow it to happen? It’s not right and it’s NOT okay.

To quote one of my favourite celebrities is Ru Paul, a famous male actor, singer, tv personality who is known for dressing up as a drag Queen. He was the first Drag Queen to be a spokesperson and land a campaign for a major cosmetic company. Basically he paved the way for being different. It’s okay to be different. In fact it’s better to be different. Learning to be perfectly imperfect and owning it. “If you can’t love yourself. How in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” I love that quote! Because it’s true. It’s probably easier to love others than yourself. Why is like that? Why is is so hard to love yourself? Why are we so hard on ourselves?

I have good days and I have bad days. I have great days and I have horrible days. I have the most amazing days and I have the worst days. Like I said, I am usually more on the positive side of things. I’m usually always happy for no reason but loving life. But once in a blue moon I have days where I am sad. Some days I question what I’m doing in my life. I question why I’m not where I want to be in life. I question what is wrong with me. That is when I have to stop whatever I’m doing and take a slow deep breath. Nothing is wrong with me. I’m perfect just the way I am. I am worthy for all life’s greatest treasures. I deserve the best in life. I remind myself that I AM enough.

There are days where it feels like a dark cloud tries to take over me. It’s on those days where I turn to meditation , yoga, exercise, running, deep breathing, singing my heart out, dancing like nobody is watching. I feel better when I move. There’s something about moving the body that makes me feel like I’m moving negative stagnant energy out. I also find when I’m feeling those negative emotions, it’s better to be around people who will make me laugh or brighten my day. Even spending time with family or friends who are like family makes my heart so happy and full.

For the times when I’m really at my wits end and feel like I want to scream…sometimes I do! I’ll drive with the windows open and just yell at the top of my lungs. It feels f**king fantastic. Something about having the cold wind briskly blowing on my face while yelling is like going on a rollercoaster. It’s an instant therapy relief session. When I can get outdoors and weather permitting I like to take off my shoes and walk on the grass, in the water or on the sand and get my feet connected to nature. There’s so many nerves in the feet reflecting to different parts in the body. It’s always amazing what can happen when you let your feet just be free to breathe. It feels like the whole body breathes. From the muscles, bones, nerves, blood, organs and all the systems just through the feet.

Lastly writing in a journal automatically cures my negative thoughts and feelings. By the time I finish writing my last words, I feel like the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. The darkness has left my body and I feel only love and light. Journaling is one of my favourite ways to express how I’m feeling and change my negative attitude to appreciative gratitude. Thank You for taking the take to read my thoughts. By me sharing my thoughts with you helps me release bottled up feelings. It’s okay to be emotional. It’s even better to work through the emotions to a happier place. Happy thoughts create happy things. If you haven’t figured it out by now…that the greatest love of all should be loving yourself first and foremost. Make everyday the best day whether you can believe it or not. Fake it until you make it.

“If you have good thoughts, they will shine out of your dave like the sunbeams and you will always look lovely.” ~Roald Dahl

I think I’m addicted to meditation. Sounds weird but it’s very true. Whenever I can get a chance to sit down for meditation it makes me excited. I really enjoy being in stillness. I look forward to sitting in silence with only me and my thoughts or lack thereof thoughts. Sometimes just listening to my breath is all I need. The sounds of my breath to me sounds like the ocean. I don’t know about you but the sound of the ocean or any body of water for that matter…automatically relaxes my mind.

When I can get dive deep into a meditation my body begins to vibrate. My skin tingles and there is a rush of hot and cold temperatures all over my skin. It almost feels like there’s an energetic buzzing on my skin. My pupils dilate, my heartbeat is strong and my breathing is long and deep. Essentially I feel like I am high from the inside out, or for better words to describe it is orgasmic. There is not drug out there that can mimic this kind of high. It’s natural and effortless. I’m not required to take anything as it just happens when the body can ultimately let go and relax.

Typically whenever I do meditation I most likely will sit up with my hands held in a specific positions. The hand positions is called mudras. The most common hand mudra position I’ll most likely use is “manifesting” where my thumb and and ring finger are joined together while the other fingers remain straight. To me it makes sense to always be manifesting. You start to manifest things in your life, you want to manifest all areas of life. Not just things but situations. When things are going your way why not keep having them go your way. When things go your way, you feel like you are aligned with the Universe and set out on the right path of your own personal destiny.

Manifesting through meditation is very powerful. Not only do you set an intention within to yourself but you set intention out into the Universe. Once you start saying yes to the Universe, the magic of the universe unfolds in your favour.

When doing regular meditations not only do I see colours brighter but my vision is clearer. Clear to what I’m suppose to do in my life. I can hear things better. By hearing the true meaning behind people’s words. My understanding of learning becomes more skilled and outlined. The sounds of music penetrate through my body as if the vibration radiates through my veins. I have been listening to more classical music because there is something so special, to how it makes me feel. I have found my voice and enjoy singing. Just like meditation whenever I sing my face begins to tingle, get warm and vibrate. I love when singing feels like meditation. Pure love of singing from my heart and vibrating through my entire body. I love it.

Meditation to me is inhaling pure love and exhaling all the bullsh*t which no longer serves me. I feel amazing whenever I meditate. I want everyone else to feel what I’m feeling too!

Everyone should meditate. I think the whole world would be a better place if everyone did some sort of meditation practice daily. But that’s just me…and what do I know.

Namaste 🙏

English– Thank you, Thanks

Spanish– Gracias

French– Merci  (Thank you very much= Merci Beaucoup)

Italian– Grazie

Japanese– (Domo) Arigato (ah-ree-gah’-toh) or written ありがとう

Chinese– do jeh, daw-dyeh

German– Danke sehr

Thai– Khop Khun Mak Kha

Russian– Spasiba (spah-see’-boh)

Korean– written 감사합니다 gamsahabnida

Icelandic– Takk

Hawaiian– Mahalo

Hebrew– Toda (toh-dah’)

Greek– Efharisto (ef-har-ris-tou’)

and many more!

It doesn’t matter how you say it or what language you say it in, saying “Thank You” is the most powerful statement in any language. Don’t believe me?

When you say Thank You, whether it’s to yourself or to others, saying Thank You is collectively for all of us as whole. We are all one. Thank You acknowledges your existence in this Universe. So when you say Thank You is giving thanks to all that exist. Being grateful for all that is and all that will ever be.

So instead of complaining about the things you “need” like that designer handbag, luxury sports car, custom build model home or dream vacations. Just remember there’s someone out there who is much less fortunate than you, who is just happy to have clean water, food to eat, opportunity to go to school and having someone to love & care for them.

You don’t need any of those “things” to survive in life. What you need is oxygen to breathe, food to nourish your body to grow, clean water to drink, bathe yourself and to clean. Also…every being on this planet needs love. Whether it’s to love or to be loved. Without love there is no life. Love makes the world go around. As cliche as that sounds but everything and everyone deserves to be loved.

Having an attitude for gratitude replaces the false notion or what you think you need. Yes it’s wonderful to “want” the finer things in life. But you absolutely do not need those things. You came into this world naked with nothing and that’s exactly how you’ll leave. As morbid as that sounds when your body dies your soul leaves the body. Basically turning into nothingness. You leave your body and all your worldly possessions.

So my advice to you is be a good person. Do the right thing. Be grateful every damn day. Because there’s someone out there who wishes they had a life just like yours.

If you can take anything from this remember these words…

Thank You for existing.

Thank You for all that you do.

Thank You for being you.

Thank You for being here and now.

Thank You for being amazing.

Thank You for everything.

Thank You I’m grateful for you!

Blog repost and leggings purchased from https://www.secretlivesotw.com/

Betcha didn’t know that I absolutely hate selfies and getting my picture taken for that matter. You’d never believe it with the amount of photos I post on social media. But sometimes the portrait mode feature and perfect lightening make me forget my dislike.

I have a rare eye condition called Keratoconus. Basically the shape of my one eye is ever changing into an extreme form of astigmatism. I hate selfies because my one eye is noticeably smaller and squinted. Because of this eye condition I am unable to get laser eye surgery to fix it. Wearing glasses will not improve my condition. In fact I’m at the highest prescription possible to even have glasses. I have to get a custom hard contact lens made for my eye. It’s teeny tiny and doesn’t always stay in place. Not only is the contact lens expensive, it’s not easy to put on my eye.

I have lost my specialized contact lens four times and have had to pay to get a new one made. It takes about 2 weeks to get a new one because of the level of my prescription. There’s a lot of things I cannot do with ease knowing I might lose my lens. But it’s doesn’t stop me from doing what I enjoy to do.

I fought in my debut boxing match this year and had to fight without my specialized lens. I learned very early into training that I could not spar with the lens because it would just pop out. If someone should step on my lens it would break. Because it was not like regular soft lens it would be like stepping on glass. My custom lens would break in half or worse smash into a million pieces. So that didn’t stop me from fighting. I fought blind. If I could see a boxing glove coming to face then I could surely get my face out of the way. Or best case scenario don’t get hit in the face and be first to knock my opponent out.

So I may hate getting my photo taken or to even take selfies but I have learned to accept my face. I will never have a perfect face. My beauty goes beyond superficial physical appearances because I know I am beautiful. Not because of beauty but because I’m a good person on the inside.

I may not have 20/20 vision but at least I can see with both eyes. I believe since my sense of sight is altered, my other senses have been heightened. Maybe not my hearing because all the years of dancing in front of the speakers at dancing parties. But that’s a whole different story. My sense of touch, taste, smell are all on high alert sensitive.

So if you see me staring and not saying a word. Please understand that I am probably trying to remember as much detail as possible before my vision gets worse. There’s much worse things in the world to be stressed out about and having lopsided eyes isn’t one of them. I’m grateful every morning that I can still see and do all the things I enjoy in life. Because I know one day I will not have that luxury. Don’t take for granted for the things that you have in your life. It’s always better to be grateful for everything that you have everyday.

Now you see me.

I saw my future self last weekend though it wasn’t an easy journey to reach her. I had to ride this raft in a thunderstorm in the jungle. I felt feelings of suffocation and tightness in my chest. I had to battle with the version of myself that is full of self doubt, worry and unworthiness. I had to step out of my old skin only to emerge into brand new vibrating higher self. My skin shed like the skin of a snake. I felt a newness and lightheartedness to my new skin. It was as if someone lifted the weight literally off my shoulders and the heaviness out of my body. It was only until then I could cross this golden illuminated bridge to reach my future self.

She ran up to me and hugged me so hard and looked me in the eyes and said “Fiona everything you desire and ever wanted is coming” I took a step back and started to cry. My future self grabbed my face and said “Don’t ever change who you are for someone else. Just be yourself. Never feel ashamed that you are wild and free. There is a man coming into your life and he will love you more than you could even imagine you could love yourself. You are going to make a wonderful mother one day…” before I could say anything my future self started to morph into my current self.

When I returned to my physical body from my deep meditative state I heard the words “Be fearless Fiona. You are capable of anything. You are deserving of the best love story…and it’s coming.

Big Thank You to tmrw tday culture festival for hosting such a wonderful event. Future Self Discovery workshop facilitated by Peter Oppermann. Sacred plant medicine, movement and sound bath ceremony.

Resources

tmrw tday culture festival

https://tmrwtday.com/

Peter Oppermann

https://linktr.ee/_peteroppermann

Tribe Wire Nosara

https://www.tribewirenosara.com/journey

Stacy Irie Soul

https://lnk.bio/iriesoul

It’s funny how an old school Blockbuster slogan still applies to today. We may no longer have the movie rental stores kicking around but being kind never goes out of style. If you’re not aware of renting movies on VHS “Be Kind. Please Rewind” was their slogan. It was mainly for jerks, who watched an entire movie and could never rewind their movies to the beginning upon returning to rental store. Personally my slogan would have been “Don’t be a dick and rewind your movie flick”. But for some reason I don’t think that slogan would fly very well with others.

So what’s my point? Metaphorically speaking if someone is kind to you, be kind in return. Don’t take advantage of their kindness by being a jerk. Basically don’t be that VHS movie returned without the rewind. Straight up it’s rude and disrespectful. Kindness rules. It takes less energy to be nice than it is to be rude.

Maybe it’s how I was raised or maybe it’s my personality but I personally think if I am going to someone’s house I’ve never been to before, I would never go without something to bring. Whether it’s a bottle of wine, flowers or a card. It doesn’t need to be big but anything to bring to the host. To show my appreciation to the host for allowing me into their home. Same goes for whenever I am staying over at a friend’s home for an extended amount of time. I always bring something. I think these small acts of kindness goes a long way. Not everyone thinks like this or even does these thoughtful things. It’s a sign of respect and gratitude towards our friendship.

Another example is if someone is driving me somewhere I always offer gas money. Same goes if we take taxis or any form of travel that costs money, I ask to split the fare or offer to give my share of the ride. Even if the person doesn’t want money it is always a nice gesture to offer. It’s better to be kind than to assume I don’t need to share my part.

There are friends who take “Sharing is Caring” to next level status. Basically I’m the one who is sharing and doing all the caring while they reap in the rewards. Real friendship is about that give and take relationship. It’s to bad too many people are ready to take but not easily reciprocated to give.

Maybe I’m to blame because I like to take care of my friend as if they are my family. I would assume they would take care of me in return. Not always the case. I think that’s why my circle of friends has gotten much smaller. I don’t care for people who act entitled or just plain too lazy to be kind. Let alone thoughtful, generous or even respectful of me and my time.

Kindness doesn’t cost a damn thing and it should be sprinkled everywhere by everyone.

Being kind is cool…so just rewind okay?

Photo by http://www.weststudio.ca

Hair and Make Up by http://www.prettymemakeup.com

If you are familiar with Leonardo da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man and how it depicts a proportional human man. It is suppose to represent how art, architecture and the human body work in symmetry. Basically to me it represents how the human body functions as a whole in time and space. How we as human beings are more than just the physical body. We are the soul body and all that is in the Universe. When all three are aligned everything is working in perfect harmony.

Lately for me life has been lining up perfectly. I’d like to think after attending the Tmrw Tday culture festival which included yoga, meditation, sound healing, plant meditation and being surrounded by so many powerful human beings. Nothing is more sacred than human connection and sharing of energies for one’s personal growth.

I took deep breaths, I let my gaze drift onto something in the horizon, I left my body to travel to other dimensions, I twisted my body in all kinds of weird and difficult poses, I danced, I cried, I laughed, I hugged and I “Let that shit go “.

The best feeling throughout the festival, especially during the classes was the constant tingling of my skin from the inside out. I could feel my blood pulsating through my veins and energetic vibrations travelling throughout my body. Every deep breath that I inhaled felt like the warmth of an internal hug and as I exhaled I felt a sense of love and peace all over my body. Even just writing this is giving me goosebumps all over again.

So you can definitely say I’m vibrating higher. I feel like I have just untapped a slow release of adrenaline. One that leaks out of bursts of happiness for no reason at all. I have moments where all I want to do is laugh or smile uncontrollably. I have this desire to truly be grateful for all that I am and everything that I have in my life.

I decided when I came back from Jamaica, I would vow to make a conscious effort to do meditation for 90 days. I also wanted to incorporate some sort of exercise at least 6 days a week. I’m only 10 days into my personal challenge and I can already feel the effects and affects. I wanted to replicate that high vibrations feeling I experienced in Jamaica. I needed everything that I learned or experienced in Jamaica to translate back when I returned to Toronto.

I truly believe all the positive affirmations, mantras and daily meditation is manifesting positive outcomes in my life. I find myself noticing so many coincidences and synchronicities. I find myself laughing because I am literally put in situations that I asked for out loud to happen. I not only believe in the magic of the Universe but I feel it.

There’s still a lot of things I am uncovering or even discovering about myself. I am even curious how I could possibly dive deeper to heal my physical body, my soul body and my universal body. I don’t even know where to start or what exactly I’m looking to achieve in the process. But what I do know for sure is that I am ready to discover it all. The good, the bad, the ugly and everything else in between.

I wouldn’t say I’m flying high but I’m definitely floating on cloud 9. It’s true what they say that energy flows where the attention goes. My attention has been focused on being more positive and loving towards others and myself. All I can say the Universe works in magical ways. When I release the need to be in control and just let life happen then that’s when the real magic happens.

I’m ready to open the door to the all magic that awaits me.

Photo by Ashlea Wessel

http://www.ashleawessel.com

@ashleawessel

Body Paint by Natasha Kudashkina

http://www.natashadesign.com

@nkudashkina

Tmrw Tday Culture Festival

https://tmrwtday.com/

@tmrw.tday